back story of me.

See I am 34 years old. I have done a lot of fucking dumb shit in my life. Got my first felony at 15. Don't spay paint stop sings. Or mailboxs. Lol. So I got moved out of town to get away from the crowded. Didn't help so I went to job corps. ( Best thing my mom ever did.) Came home try to stay strait. Didn't know that the one pretty girl that was at that party would be a life of hell and fun. Start using meth a lot. You can say I am addicted.(Wow that's the frist time I put in paper.) Any I get into show shit and get caught with drugs. 1st time over the age of 18. Felony probation 3 years. Well let's just say that I didn't care about it. I did more time in county custody then I did in the streets. I found out while being geeked up it was pretty much fun to walk into stores and try to find out the security system. Or who was on Lost pervention. I have to say I got really good at it. Now I did fuck up a few times and got caught. It sucked get locked up.but I never quit doing it. Even to this day if I am fucked up I do it. Can be proud have not stolen anything for a good while. I didn't do breaking into some one house. People work hard what they have. Retail stores have a small margin for theft. As time moves on I got better at it. ( Do you know anybody who can walk in to a store and get anything they want and get it out the door and have it loaded up and gone in 5 minutes.i knew a few people. But that was my crew. Hell my biggest theft was 4 big black bins. You know the one with the yellow tops. We got out 10 that day. Every body had two different ones and it was there responsibility to get it out the door and loaded in the truck. I chose to hit the two hardest places in w Walmart supermarket. Electronics jewelry and hunting. Now at the time I knew how to get the security systems they called spiders off of anything. No I will not tell you how to do it. I had my two black totes full of computers PlayStation speakers ammo watches rings everything. At the time I had someone who would buy whatever I brought them at 75% of the value. That's a good day good $4,000. 2 weeks later out of dope and needing some money. CHRISTMAS TIME. I make deals with my local dealer can you give me what his kids want for Christmas I go get them and he can give me 75% on the items plus as much dope as I wanted. I can still remember to this day that list was over two and a half pages on notebook paper. He fronted me a little bit of shit. I did it and for the next 48 hours I was shuffling everything and everything. I got his list my Christmas list for the kids that I had my other dealers list. And Christmas morning I was so proud of myself for doing it. Then came the shook of a life time. Basically mean the woman I was dating at a time that fighting and she told me the only thing I was good for was getting dope and being a thief. That killed my Christmas. Fast forward about a year and a half minutes done split and I'm staying with my 0 aunt and uncle and Statham. Need to stay my uncle does things. I did too. About 6 months we staying there me and I'm going to do something and we get pulled over. I took all charges I got 15 years probation 18 months in prison. Before I get busted I'd ask God to help me quit doing what I was doing. I was snorting a gram to a 8 ball a day. We got pulled over that night and I found my time to get clean. That clean get out decided to take it to the jury trial. (I figured if I did that I'd have a little bit more freedom before I was getting some of the road.) At the age of 22 I still didn't give a fuck about life. I didn't do that in fact I broke my neck and car accident. Well being on probation I would go the first time and they see me about a year later. I spent 6 months in county and get out we'll see probation once and take off again. That was my life for a long time I'm 34. I got pulled over earlier this year I knew I had warnt for my arrest of relaxation came over. It sucks looking over your shoulder everyday questioning if you're going to get pulled over or not. Well this time I was in jail it really fucking broke me. I used to be able to go to jail for my feet up read a book to my little bit of time and come home. This time I did 3 weeks and it felt like I done did another 18 months in county. So my to myself I'd straighten up. When the probation filled out his little form. Where did you come to the house to do anything. And after that life look like it's going good again. I finally got to know in the school. Couldn't put that on the back burner for a couple years. Criminal justice was the one field I wanted. I feel like it was the time of my life that either I was going to do it or not. I'm supposed to go meet my counselor on Wednesday. Same damn supposed to be signing up for classes. After the fighting today I'm having trouble. I don't know what I want to do anymore I'm sitting here in a dirt road contemplating tossing my keys in the field. and doing what I do best going ghost on everybody. I love the woman I'm with if it was not for her I would not get straightened up I probably in prison. Everybody says it's your life choices effect you. Did my criminal past it has cut me off from same job markets. Now that I'm trying to act right everything else seems to be falling apart around me.