How I feel about it all.

Nobody really knows me so I'll tell you how I am. I'm one of them really don't give a f*** what happens in life it is life. Everyday I get to make up my choices my actions. at midnight tonight I cannot redo any of them. So my mom was pissed off because she didn't get the car keys when she wanted. I'm so sorry but I do have two bad tires at the argument for wife I agree to take it to the store we get to fighting and I basically told to move out. This isn't the first time this is happened. Seems like my mom doesn't get away and gets all pissed off I deal with it. I have to deal with a bunch of bs sometimes. But I guess it's life because everybody has to. I don't know if I want to anymore. Like I've been proud of myself I finally enrolled in school been trying to bust my ass get everything done before classes start. Been a lot of years how I'm an ungrateful bastard. Who doesn't care about anybody or anything. Now one thing you should know about me is I bottle up a lot of stuff. I've never really been good done with the emotions. Something pisses me off by pissed off about two and a half minutes and then I just push it on under the rug. Somebody hurts my feelings something like that guess what? You guessed it I push it on the rug. No I do have psychological problems. PTSD extreme anxiety and everything else. No anybody's fighting in everything else I try to turn it well everybody will come down. Today I've been so f*** you by my mother the woman who I want to marry and even my little brother who I'm not staying with us. I don't want to go home. I don't feel like being in jail. I feel like taking his car as fast as I can and had a car head on. (Yes I know that stupid and in my brain I know I'm not going to do it . But I want you I told you earlier that I broke my neck in a car accident.) That is exact moment just want to get in the car put it in drive and gun it wait till I see a car coming in on and hit it head on. No seatbelt no nothing. Yeah I know that's wrong. I'm trying to figure out how to do this. One part of me just wants to say f*** it and disappear. F*** what I've done in the past 2 weeks to better my life. Apparently it's not worth it. Apparently on the a****** and I'm the worst f****** person ever. So I'm going to post this and decide what's better for me going to the hospital to 1013 myself or just going to f****** God damn car.

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